Dieting was so much easier in the olden days. Well, not really easier. . . just simpler. We didn't have all the low fat, no fat, no sugar, no flavor, no taste foods we have to choose from today. Now when I want something to eat that won't pack on the pounds, I just reach for one of those frozen cardboard-flavored no fat, no sodium, no taste (unless you count cardboard as a gourmet flavor) dinners and sit back, smugly knowing that although I had no idea what I just ate, I was 'doing something good!'
No, back in the good old days, we had to do it the hard way. Just imagine life before diet soda, diet cookies, diet anything. We just toughed it out and (I hate to say it even now) counted calories. Fat was something we saw on the old geezer couple who lived down the street. We also had never heard of cholesterol, much less knew how to spell it. To this day I still don't really know what it is, just that doctors tell us it's bad for us. Of course, doctors are always telling us that anything we can enjoy eating, wearing, sitting in or driving is bad for us.
But I digress. Many years ago I undertook a major diet. And since we didn't have all those nifty home diet kits, I did what any respectable suburban housewife would do. I joined a diet company. You know the ones: They give you no fat, no flavor, no taste, pre-packaged meals. They weren't even frozen: How's that for primitive, kids? Also, they gave you scades of vitamins (At least I think they were vitamins. I can't be sure but they made me feel good.) and the public humiliation of weighing in each week in front of others and having your failure or success, depending on how your week went, publicly recorded.
I also went the exercise video route. You know the ones. These are where perky little girls (They couldn't possibly be women. I mean, where were the droopy boobs, the waving arms, the stretch marks?) in cute, tight little leotards, bent like pretzels into contortions that no respectable housewife would be caught dead in. What if the washer repairman should show up just as you achieved a left leg over your right shoulder stretch? What would he think? Well, never mind what he would think. The point is, let's get real. How many women could even begin to raise their legs that high? Raise your hands. Liars! Not since high school, I'll bet. I probably haven't been able to achieve this little feat since grade school.
Anyway, I faithfully turned on the video and tried my best. I really did. Here's a little tip for those of you who are contemplating undertaking just such an adventure. It goes better with cookies and a diet soda. The cookies are for moral support and the diet soda is for concession to your diet. Yes, stretched out in the old recliner, eating cookies and sipping diet soda sure makes the time go faster.
Now Richard Simmons has gone and ruined it for us die-hard no-exercise fanatics. He's gone and made it fashionable for anyone to exercise and achieve their goals. He has actually managed to make exercise 'FUN!' Now to a dyed-in-the-wool couch potato like myself, this is an oxymoron. He has also taken all the martyrdom out of dieting. I mean, who can sympathize with a harried housewife on a diet with Richard Simmons telling us how much fun it is?
It's time to slap in the old video and do my good deed for the day. Now, let's see if I have everything. Leotards, tights, towel, sweatband, hand weights, athletic shoes, recliner, diet soda, cookies; Yep, I'm ready. Richards Simmons, do your best!
No, back in the good old days, we had to do it the hard way. Just imagine life before diet soda, diet cookies, diet anything. We just toughed it out and (I hate to say it even now) counted calories. Fat was something we saw on the old geezer couple who lived down the street. We also had never heard of cholesterol, much less knew how to spell it. To this day I still don't really know what it is, just that doctors tell us it's bad for us. Of course, doctors are always telling us that anything we can enjoy eating, wearing, sitting in or driving is bad for us.
But I digress. Many years ago I undertook a major diet. And since we didn't have all those nifty home diet kits, I did what any respectable suburban housewife would do. I joined a diet company. You know the ones: They give you no fat, no flavor, no taste, pre-packaged meals. They weren't even frozen: How's that for primitive, kids? Also, they gave you scades of vitamins (At least I think they were vitamins. I can't be sure but they made me feel good.) and the public humiliation of weighing in each week in front of others and having your failure or success, depending on how your week went, publicly recorded.
I also went the exercise video route. You know the ones. These are where perky little girls (They couldn't possibly be women. I mean, where were the droopy boobs, the waving arms, the stretch marks?) in cute, tight little leotards, bent like pretzels into contortions that no respectable housewife would be caught dead in. What if the washer repairman should show up just as you achieved a left leg over your right shoulder stretch? What would he think? Well, never mind what he would think. The point is, let's get real. How many women could even begin to raise their legs that high? Raise your hands. Liars! Not since high school, I'll bet. I probably haven't been able to achieve this little feat since grade school.
Anyway, I faithfully turned on the video and tried my best. I really did. Here's a little tip for those of you who are contemplating undertaking just such an adventure. It goes better with cookies and a diet soda. The cookies are for moral support and the diet soda is for concession to your diet. Yes, stretched out in the old recliner, eating cookies and sipping diet soda sure makes the time go faster.
Now Richard Simmons has gone and ruined it for us die-hard no-exercise fanatics. He's gone and made it fashionable for anyone to exercise and achieve their goals. He has actually managed to make exercise 'FUN!' Now to a dyed-in-the-wool couch potato like myself, this is an oxymoron. He has also taken all the martyrdom out of dieting. I mean, who can sympathize with a harried housewife on a diet with Richard Simmons telling us how much fun it is?
It's time to slap in the old video and do my good deed for the day. Now, let's see if I have everything. Leotards, tights, towel, sweatband, hand weights, athletic shoes, recliner, diet soda, cookies; Yep, I'm ready. Richards Simmons, do your best!
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