At the urging of a certain family member, who shall remain nameless but is no longer in my Will, I decided to try out for a play. Well, not the whole play, just a small part. I figured the smaller the better right? Wrong!
I even managed to memorize a few lines from the play, which in itself is a miracle. I have a memory worse than that of a goldfish, which I have learned is three seconds (according to my extensive research and by research I mean trolling on the Internet), which is probably two seconds longer than mine. A thought can pop into my head and before I can stand up to answer my brain POOF, it's gone. I spend a lot of time standing in the middle of rooms, scratching my head and trying to remember what I'm even doing there, which can be quite embarrassing, say at the mall. You try on a new outfit, saunter out to where the mirrors are mounted so everyone can see how bad you look (Although any other woman in the area will tell you how fabulous you look in whatever you're trying on, no matter how bad it actually looks. Men NEVER do this. They would never compliment a stranger on their choice of shirts.) and POOF, you forget why you're standing there. It's even more embarrassing when you walk out, your purse and clothes still in the dressing room, and head for the snack bar. The security guard did not have to tackle me and I'm not paying for the ripped blouse. Anyway, I digress (and made my point).
I used to have a great memory back in school. That was before the advent of DVRs. I think the invention of the pause button has ruined me. I know I don't have to pay attention to what is actually going on as I know I can rewind, pause and record anytime, anywhere. Unfortunately, that doesn't apply in real life and I find myself outside the loop all the time.
Wouldn't it be great if we could rewind our minds and know exactly what just happened? Well, maybe not, now that I think of it.
Anyway, even though the play didn't really seem to be my 'cup of tea', I decided to give it a shot just for the experience.
Bad idea. I've never seen such a room full of bad actors. In all fairness, I think they were all newbies like me.
I could hear the frustration in the director's voice. I'm sure he got the part of director by losing at rock, paper, scissors. I managed to go last so I could observe all the other bad actors.
I was the only one who showed up to try out for the part of the mother on this particular evening. Auditions were supposed to be held two nights but night one was cancelled on the promise of lots of snow, which never materialized. Too bad we didn't have a blizzard. That would have spared the director a lot of pain.
So you'd think the part would be mine, right? A shoe-in. The lone ranger. NOPE.
After everyone had read their parts once, the director started over to let them try again. The only part being read for besides the mother was that of the daughter. No one showed up to try out for the part of the father, son, the maid or the butler. Maybe I didn't get the memo about staying away from really bad plays.
When everyone (but me) had read their parts twice, the director looked at me and said, "You suck." Okay, he didn't actually say that but it's what my wounded pride heard since I wasn't allowed to read my part again. I think the fact that only I and a handful of students from the local high school showed up should have been a clue as to the interest this particular play generated.
Maybe I'll try again. Or maybe not. Hopefully with a new director and this time I won't actually suck (which I did, by the way).
UPDATE: The play was cancelled due to lack of interest. Although it is a very old play by a renowned playwright, nobody wanted to be associated with this drek. It was touted as a comedy about a man who loses everything he owns in several horrible ways but manages to maintain his faith in God. How it could be considered funny was beyond me but it's a moot point now. It was replaced with 'Barefoot in the Park.' I never did receive my casting call. Do you think the director of the playhouse lost my phone number? Nah.
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